The Lobster's State of Mind - חובב חת

  חלקים מתוך הספר באנגלית

"Now Daniel stood in front of the closet waiting for the cockroach to reveal itself, but it didn’t. Daniel began to worry that thebeast had escaped while he was in the kitchen and was now waiting to ambush him somewhere else. He knocked cautiously on the closet with no effect. Finally, he took a squeegee and began moving it violently under the closet drawers. After a few seconds, the cockroach came out staggering like a drunk from the overdose of insecticide it had received. Daniel froze and then tried to hit the beast with the squeegee. He missed by a millimeter, but the cockroach turned over and lay helplessly on its back, twitching. Daniel was about one yard away from it: its rough-textured legs moved desperately back and forth, its ugly antennas moved left and right.

Daniel’s heart was beating fast and a big drop of sweat dripped off his forehead and landed on the floor. Would he be able to master his fear, demonstrate his superiIrisy over the little creature, and squeeze it to death? After about a more minute of staring, Daniel found himself a lot more relaxed and feeling very foolish indeed. Here he was, six feet of muscle and stupidity trembling and sweating when facing a helpless little creature that weighed a lot less than his little finger. Why did he hate them so much, these pathetic little animals? Maybe, he thought, maybe this was the other side of the disgust he felt toward his own irrational fears, toward the part of him that felt small and stupid like the cockroach that was now dying in front of him.

Daniel suddenly remembered the poem he had read earlier that evening and the lobster he wouldn’t eat. In what way was this cockroach any worse than ants and lobsters? Did it deserve this terrible fate just because nature had made it so unpleasant to the human eye? No, Daniel decided, and he felt conscience-stricken about the agony he was inflicting upon this miserable creature. If it was self-aware (Daniel was not quite sure about that), what did it feel now, this cockroach facing imminent death? Maybe it was scared or maybe it accepted its fate and was now waiting for the final blow that would put it out of its misery. These thoughts did not free Daniel from his feelings of disgust when he looked at the cockroach, but he gently turned it over with the squeegee. The cockroach wobbled some and it seemed like it wouldn’t last very long. After a few yards of slow movement that led to the living room, it turned over on its back again. Should he leave it be in its final moments or put an end to its suffering? Daniel would never know the answer. He lifted his foot and stepped decisively on the creature, making sure that death was instantaneous. The cracking sound was quite atrocious. The cockroach was smeared over the floor with substantial remains on the sole of Daniel’s shoe. He took lots of folded toilet paper, cleaned up the remains, and threw it into the toilet. Due to the short notice, it was impossible to prepare a proper funeral, he said smiling as he flushed.

Daniel went to sleep with some troubling questions in his mind: How many cockroaches had he killed? How many ants and mosquitoes? If all of these were conscious creatures, then he was a mass murderer."

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